I’m watching CNN’s “The 2000’s”, and I want to puke my fucking guts out.

Full disclosure, the only the first episode has aired, and The 2000s is basically a cultural roundup of one topic each week, and it’s a weird blow-by-blow of everything that led us up to where we are in 2018. If you’ve ever seen the popular movie series Final Destination, it’s a lot like that: a rube-goldberg machine of causation slowly leading up to the bullet in the head of our democracy.

When Ted Turner created the channel which premiered on June 1st, 1980, it became the world’s first 24 hour news network, and it would change the way we consume news forever. Considering the fracturing of our media and the way many Americans (and people across the globe) consume media from an increasingly smaller and smaller set of sources, it makes sense that over the last few years CNN has been trying turning itself into an all in one entertainment channel. Cnn’s new retrospective series “The 2000’s” follows it’s previous two limited run series “The Eighties” and “The Nineties” as a cultural rundown of the social and political changes which made the decade what they were.

Full disclosure again: I literally can’t watch anything other than CNN and HBO right now. It’s like tv has become the most watered down, stupefying thing ever created. It’s always been dumb, but going back you can kind of see where everything we’re living in right now started. The first episode of The 2000s is literally just about television, and how TV replaced the dying medium of film as western culture’s primary locus of entertainment and the cultural conversation. But America has always been defined by its brashness and boldness: our idea of freedom is tied up in things like the first amendment, monster truck rallies, Boston tea party, and women with big titties.

But the key sociological of the 2000’s development is perfectly embodied by television. The decade is about fracture: everybody created their own space, and that’s what television is perfect for. It’s also a telling sign of our moral and ethical weakness that the most serious people: the moral arbiters, became the clowns. Fox news and even legitimate news networks like MSNBC and CNN became the mouthpieces for the imperialist narratives of the Bush administration. But the void became filled by the voice of a liberal generation of comedians who found themselves in one of America’s most classic entertainment narratives: the reluctant hero.

Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and the rest of The Daily Show cast. The moral majority became a fractured minority, and our one truth became a thousand untruths, all your entertainment needs could be met, and quickly you began to live in your own bubble. Why would HBO run ads for whatever was on FX, or vice-versa? Why would a hungry media company trying to snatch up every eye possible for the sake of advertising dollars willingly let those eyes drift off elsewhere?

Probably the one cultural moment which symbolizes everything the most are the famous “Dick in a box” and “I’m on a Boat” skits from SNL, which were designed to bridge the gap from the TV era to the digital age. TV in 2018 is still the dominant cultural medium: sorry gen y millennial libtard cucks: you’ll probably have to wait a few more years before the internet completely destroys television. But don’t worry: when TV goes away (which in all honesty, it probably won’t, it’s currently the dominant entertainment, news, and everything medium right now) you too, will have your very own channel, complete with all the targeted maddeningly difficult to skip past ‘scroll-through’ ads which harvest all your data, pinpoint your gps location, and won’t even have to read your mind to know every single thing you’re thinking and feeling, no: they’ll have adopted groundbreaking psychologist B.F. Skinner’s technique of just studying your behavior: you don’t have to know what someone’s thinking to know what they’ll do before they do it themselves, all you have to do is track, collate, and calculate every single one of their behaviors, and that’s a lot easier to do when these media companies can corral you into your little corners of the world, and study you like the animal you are.

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